How Do You Manage Your Emotions?
The other day, I had to go in for a scan with contrast, which meant a butterfly needle. Every time I need blood taken, my veins decide not to cooperate — they play hard to get.
So, I knew what was coming. Quite a bit of tapping and slapping around to get a vein to show itself. A jab. Then another. A wiggle of the needle. A bit of “digging around”. The usual painful story.
The nurse, with the kind of empathy you really hope for in those moments. said, “I know this hurts, but…”
Before she could even finish, I jumped in: “No, it doesn’t hurt.” Meanwhile, inside my head, the screams were putting on a full-blown concert and pride ensured I was the only audience.
Denying What We Feel
In that moment, I realised something deeper than a needle in my arm. The old conditioning, especially for my generation, kicked in automatically: “Men are tough. Men don’t cry. Men don’t feel pain.”
Before I’d even registered what I was feeling, I’d already denied it.
Catching my automatic reaction, and like a good psychologist would (!), I corrected it straight away: “Actually, that’s not true. It really does hurt.”
And just like that, what I’d denied seconds earlier, I allowed.
When Suppression Helps and When It Hurts
Suppression is a common way of managing emotions. And to be fair, it can be useful — if it’s temporary. At work, it might stop you from reacting in ways that could cost you professionally. In family situations, it can prevent unnecessary fallout. After something traumatic, it can give you time to process what’s happened.
The key is duration.
Suppressing or denying emotions might reduce the intensity in the moment. But when it becomes your primary way of coping, it often leads to internal tension, psychosomatic symptoms, and unexpected blowups that can catch you by surprise.
The Neuroscience of Acceptance
In contrast, when you recognize, accept, and/or express your emotions, you decrease their intensity. This in turn leads to better emotional regulation — and it’s backed by neuroscience.
Acknowledging and labelling emotions reduces activity in the amygdala, the region responsible for threat detection, while stimulating the prefrontal cortex, which improves self-control, rational thinking, and decision-making.
So next time you catch yourself suppressing what you feel, try the same tactic I did with the nurse:
- Acknowledge it.
- Name it.
- Say it.
“I’m not being honest. I actually feel…”
Oddly enough, the moment you do, something eases. Because you’re really giving yourself permission to feel — and that’s a freedom no one should take away, not even you.
Emotional Management Shapes Leadership
The lessons here don’t just apply to your personal life — they directly affect leadership effectiveness. How you relate to your own emotions is how you lead.
If your default is suppression, it increases the risk of reacting rather than responding to your team’s behaviour. If you can’t recognize and acknowledge what you feel, you can’t regulate it.
Simply put: you cannot manage effectively if you don’t manage your emotions effectively.
Unmanaged Emotions Leak Into Everything
Emotions don’t just disappear. Left unmanaged, they leak — into tone, behaviour, and decisions. Long-term suppression doesn’t build strength or resilience.
It builds tension.
Not only inside you but in meetings, teams, and conversations.
*Just to be clear — recognising, accepting, and expressing (unpleasant) emotions is not the same as ruminating. One helps you regulate. The other amplifies. But that’s a topic for another post.